Yes, the love may be lost, but it is between a decision both partners need to make as to whether or not to keep the friendship alive. It is normal to develop new boundaries and distances after a breakup, but the decision of whether you want to be just civil or extend a solid friendship can be quite hard. A soul can only evolve through its spiritual relationships, so try to see as an opportunity to grow.
If the relationship ended well, there is much more of a chance of keeping a cordial relationship with your ex. However, if the relationship ended on a bitter note or a lot of negative things happened, then it may be better off to leave things in the past. If there are no children involved this is easier to do. You may wish to consider getting a Relationship Compatibility Reading, which will help you better understand how each of you gel. If you both want to attempt to continue a friendship, here are some relationship tips to help you keep a friendship with an ex.
Ways To Befriend Your Ex
Your first step is to make the decision to remain friends. Some relationships can be hard to mend. Men can be indecisive while women can be stubborn and hold grudges. It is important that both parties should take enough time off to heal whatever pain they had.
As to how long the time needed to heal may be, only time can answer. Once both parties have come to terms with and cleared every hurt they had, then and only then can friendship come about once more. It may be hard at first and, most especially, awkward. But things can just settle into its proper place.
This may only be possible with good communication. Both parties need to be able to talk and end whatever bad things have happened in the past. However, once you put a the time and effort into something, it should stay that way. Others may like to try a second time around with their relationship, but if things were not sorted out properly in the first place, then it will still not work out.
Next, is to set boundaries. Both parties should know where they stand. Having a nice afternoon coffee over great conversations can be okay, but nothing more than that. Dinner dates or late-night drinks at each others home can leave both confused and hanging. Sometimes, spending too much time with each other can rekindle whatever leftover feelings there were, which can potentially be a bad idea. A friendship can ideally work if neither party is open to getting back into a relationship. If one party is secretly hoping to get back together, this new relationship will probably not end well and may leave someone with hurt feelings.
In the beginning it would be wise to put limits on your communication. For example, there shouldn't be talk about each others current relationships, especially if you are just trying to remain cordial for the sake of shared children. This can reopen any unwanted topics about your past. Do this only if both of you have totally forgiven each others mistakes. For those with no children or outside ties who really want a true friendship that stands the test of time, you both will potentially be able to get together as couples with your new significant others.
Likewise, never bring up the past. Talking about bloopers and reminiscing over all your funny moments can be okay, as long as you don't have any hidden agenda of using it to get back with your ex. Past topics like what you hated about your partner, what was his or her weaknesses, their bad habits, and such, should never be talked about.
And, of course, you have to respect your friendship. Bad mouthing your ex can be rude and harsh, especially if you do this among your circle of friends. What happened between the two of you should stay between each other. No one should be able to know both of your dirty secrets, and neither of you should have to fear that the other is telling tales behind their back.
Next, you should know your etiquette when dealing with your ex. No more physical connections like putting one hand on their lap, no caressing each others shoulders, and definitely no holding hands. And if you ever see each other out and about, a wave of hello is civil enough, especially if you are with each others new partners.
Lastly, be open in your new relationships about your ex. Ex-boyfriends or ex-girlfriends are always considered as threats to current relationships, especially with women. If ever you talk about your ex, check your current partner's reaction. If they change their behavior or mood, you may want to end the topic and never mention them again. Remember, every person needs assurance in any relationship. Having to mention your ex all the time, or meeting them occasionally is never an assurance.
Things To Avoid When Keeping a Cordial Relationship With An Ex
There are many reasons as to why you may want to befriend your ex. Maybe you feel that the friendship is too good to be put to waste, maybe you started as friends and want to get back the old relationship, or you still want to keep them in your life; all these can be inevitable feelings. However, if you have other reasons than these, such as you don't like the feeling of loneliness so you might as well keep them, or you have hidden agendas of revenge or wanting to have a second chance, then you better think twice because this is quite wrong.
You have to make a thorough assessment of yourself. You can't just make abrupt decisions and then hurt each others feelings in the end. Things like this should be taken seriously, otherwise you are asking for trouble. Thinking can take a lot of time and no one can tell how much time is needed. Having a time off apart from each other, after settling everything, can refresh the relationship. This should be done by both parties in order to meet a mutual understanding.
Having a cordial relationship with an ex can be strange and awkward. Your intention of keeping a friendship should be in a positive note. You have to be careful of bruising each others feelings, especially if both just recently came from a hurtful break up. Nonetheless, giving each other a second chance to mend things, even if it's only in a friendship status can be a great start, that may even last longer than an intimate relationship.
Jordan Canon
Spiritual Advisor
Free-Spiritual-Guidance.com
